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ace of wands

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Oct. 6th, 2006 | 04:32 am
location: 23
music: possibilities, eagerness, self-esteem
posted by: brickred in pagesofcups

today feeling like maybe things can begin again. reinventing my writing life. nanowrimo begins in less than a month, and again I feel strongly the possibility of completing a novel.

zines, poems, projects. I lengthened the stirrups on my saddle and suddenly I am a better rider. this weekend there is a show, and maybe ribbons. by christmas I will have a backpack and trekking poles, and can begin learning how to be a long-distance hiker. I love where I live but a new apartment brings the enticement of starting fresh, making a home.

after this weekend josh said, "you were the hottest I've ever seen you." a relationship between us never worked and never will, but it was delicious to hear him say that. I spent an hour on the phone with rob. he described in great detail what kind of 'first date' we were going to have, after weeks spent joking that we've never been on a date. He said, "I'd like to teach you how to ski," and for once I want to make myself vulnerable, be in the position of the person who knows nothing.

in order to write, you have to let the first draft breathe and be free. over and over I am told but still I have to realize it myself. it is okay to make mistakes. it is okay to sound stupid. it is okay to write about oneself, to repeat and exaggerate. rawness and honesty are best, despite being messy. I don't know how I had forgotten.

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